3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I am available for nakedness
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
