she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
