There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Green mimosas i think yes
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
