So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
