He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
