I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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