My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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