Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
