I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
