i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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