I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
This toilet bowl is my home.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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