It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
