don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Someone signed my nipple.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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