im about as happy as oj after his trial
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
