The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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