So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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