I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i think my cat just said my name.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
