I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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