some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize