Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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