My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
His nipple licking is glorious
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