I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
