So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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