yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
