Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Randomize
