3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
