it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
