Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
