All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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