I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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