Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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