Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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