I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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