i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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