hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
