The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
