Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
