Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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