Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
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So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
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By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I would ride that face into the sunset
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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