we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
