Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
