Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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