Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
