We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
