At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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