Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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