twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
