I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
