We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
