I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
