Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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