I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
