mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
