I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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