I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
