Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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