This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I stole a fireplace last night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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