She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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