the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
