did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
