he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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