You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Randomize
