Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
