Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
