You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
